I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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