I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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