the day after is always just damage control
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
