Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
