i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize