it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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