I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
420 ftw
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
