I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
