honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
