I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
