I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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