put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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