um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
