feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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