I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
