Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
