No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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