Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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