Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
