Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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