My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
