JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
