I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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