I CAN MOONWALK!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
