So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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