Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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