He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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