My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
