Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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