Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
