you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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