Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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