I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
