I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
