Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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