dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
