I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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