i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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