im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize