Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize