I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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