I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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