I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
