I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
