If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
