I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think i got beer on your cat.
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