As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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