i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
