why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
