just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
