thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
