I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
