i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
