Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
