I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
