my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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