I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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