Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
