grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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