I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
