It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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