i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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