You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
