i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think your dad took our porno
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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