And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
