Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
