yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
