WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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