I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
