I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
