Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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